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Derek Best has contributed to several publications, including Macleans Magazine Canada, and Omni Magazine, USA. He is has also produced many documentary films for Television. For many years, he has been interested in A Course in Miracles, a metaphysical thought system, and maintains the official website for that organization. "ACIM", he says "is central to my personal way of seeing the world." This site is strictly personal however. Derek has an eclectic range of interests, and writes about them here as the mood strikes him.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Today's forecast: widespread meaninglessness.

These days I feel fragile like glass. Something in my molecular structure has changed and will never be the same again. I am quick to walk away from people and situations that bore me or annoy me -- and alas there seem to be plenty of both. I have no humor and no tolerance.
Everything hurts like a shattered eardrum. No one knows of the noise in my head, but it makes everything distant and unreal.

The world seems like what it is: an annoying temporary phenomenon, that everyone else takes seriously. It is not the world that pushes me to the brink, it is people's belief in it.

In years to come will they mark this as the time I began my decline? Before this: promising but eccentric, humorous but a little sociopathic, talented but without direction. After this time: disillusioned and moody, humorless and volatile, unfocussed and detached.

Reality gyrates between hostile and absurd. When it is hostile I strike back in a new and uninhibited way. When it is absurd I detach, alienating others who see it as vital, necessary, fascinating, challenging, beautiful, exilherating (fill in your own words).

I feel like I live in a Magritte painting. Everything has familiar elements but is vaguely threatening or downright ridiculous.

Here are two signs I photographed in London last week because they seemed significant. What are they trying to tell us?
.

What happens if you walk into this "Institute"? Are you surrounded by people who tell you they love what you've done to your hair? Do perfect strangers tell you they have heard such good things about you? No, wait, that's complimentary with an "i." So what goes on in this place? It boggles the imagination.

And this! A masterpiece of vague innuendo! Its meaning will be pondered by scholars for millions of years.

This world is a gossamer thin illusion made by others, for others, and I fear I shall rip it if I move too fast or shout too loud. Then they will take me away as a danger to myself and others.

Lord. All my friends (all two of them) want to cheer me up. I've been told to get exercise. I've been told my mother wouldn't like me to be sad. I hear these little chirrups from far far away, but I think it is not my life they are hoping to improve. I would like to help them, I really would - but there is not much we can do for one another at such a great distance.
.
Someone has to die in order that the rest of us should value life more.
..... Virginia Woolf in the film "The Hours"

4 Comments:

Anonymous marian said...

Brilliant. Had an impulse to check your blog, a sudden feeling that you were wafting about feeling perhaps not so great.

I have a friend who says this great thing whenever it seems appropriate -- out loud now, with a thick New York City accent: "The Voild is a Shithole!"

Anyway, that's what I thought of when I read your post this morning, which actually made me chuckle a bit.

Not to bludgeon you with Course frippery, but here's the passage I have been concentrating on this morning cobbled together from two paragraphs:

"You are the dreamer of the world of dreams. No other cause it has, nor ever will. Dream softly of your sinless brother, who unites with you in holy innocence. And from this dream the Lord of Heaven will Himself awaken His beloved Son. Dream of your brother's kindnesses instead of dwelling on his mistakes. Select his thoughtfulness to dream about instead of counting up the hurts he gave. Forgive him his illusions, and give thanks to him for all the helpfulness he gave. And do not brush aside his many gifts because he is not perfect in your dreams. He represents his Father Whom you see as offering both life and death to you. Brother, He gives but life."

Hugs and kisses to you, love. Hang in.

8:51 AM  
Anonymous "A friend" said...

Hang in there.
You can do it.
It's always darkest just before the dawn.
Every cloud has a silver lining.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
There are many people worse off than you.
Lighten up.
You should take vitamins.
You should pray. I'll pray for you.
Snap out of it.
Pull yourself together.
You need to go out for a nice dinner.
Death is just a part of life.
Laugh and the world laughs with you.
This is the day the Lord has made for us.

(from a "friend")

9:49 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Two Friends? So many of us recognize you as our "special" personal friend so I can't help but laugh when I realize the brilliant Derek can't count. You will pick up the pieces because too many of us love you and need you in our life.

8:13 AM  
Blogger TOR Hershman said...

Well (No wry pun(n)isment intended), never say “Just say no” if’in there be a gang of plagiaristically inclined sacks of primordial sea water in the Empire’s Oval Office.

0=T=0
Zero=Totality=Zero

Stay on groovin' safari,
Tor

12:30 PM  

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